Flatulence is a big no-no in school. Well, at least in my school. Seems a teacher didn't fart in the proscribed Department of Education manner last week and John Deacon needed to take care of this formally and requested a meeting between the farter and chapter leader.
In the meeting the farter had explained that farting whilst lifting a buttocks cheek is incorrect and against Chancellor's Regulations. It was explained that when one farts, one should keep both buttocks cheeks firmly planted on the seat so it will be more dainty and the sound will be muffled by not only the chair, but by the underpants as well. This also tends to keep the odor localized and less people are affected by the smell. By lifting the buttocks cheek the stench tends to affect more people and the sound is several decibels higher.
The farter attempted to apologize for the fart that so annoyed and dismayed John Deacon and apologized profusely for the improper cutting of the cheese and promised that henceforth all farts will properly executed with all due respect to DOE protocol. The farter also promised that beans and broccoli will be off the breakfast menu.
That was not good enough for John Deacon. John Deacon explained that as a tenured teacher the farter is not due any room for error, nor is allowed mistakes. John Deacon explained that if the farter was a new teacher time would have been taken to explain how to fart in a correct manner.
It is a wonder that will all the crap (pardon the pun!) going on in my school that John Deacon can not let a silly thing like improper farting go. This shows how petty a person John Deacon really is, and where John Deacon's priorities are.
I wonder how John Deacon feels about those that queef.
I think a years worth of Professional Development should be devoted to this very important and pressing issue. What do you think?
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