I recently stumbled across a highly classified document in the files of one of our largest pharmaceutical companies when I placed "Manhattan Project (similar)" into a classified search engine. It appears that an unnamed career officer in The U.S. Department of Education has, since 2004, been funneling hundreds of millions of dollars through the CIA for the development of a TESTING PILL to be administered to all students taking high stakes tests.
On trial tests of the TESTING PILL in a secret location in Texas, 100% of the students tested above the 90 percentile in reading and math. Thus, the scores of American students have the potential of becoming the highest in the world, outstripping even Taiwan and Finland. In addition, this modern day miracle should also guarantee that our children will lead the world in the 21st century global economy.
However, the results of this Manhattan like secret project, in terms of its urgency and its mind-boggling consequences, haven't yet been openly reported. There appears to be one major side effect which the researchers are at this point calling the ZOMBIE EFFECT and which requires further investigation and testing. It seems that 97.6% of the test group displayed significant decreases in their levels of intelligence, creativity, and higher order thinking skills.
Researchers and drug company representatives are hoping that the TESTING PILL will have the same instantaneous impact upon improving education as Prozac has had as an antidepressant in a world that seems to be speeding out of control.
Richard Lakin,
Your Not So Tongue in Cheek reporter
April 3, 2009
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