Whitney Tilson Is Such A Schmuck

Whitney, Whitney, Whitney. I need to start paying you! Yes! You provide me with such fantastic material I feel like a thief. I mean it is amazing how often you open your mouth, or write, without thinking. Your latest email had me rolling, and laughing so hard I had to put on the Depends for I was so worried I might have an accident.

First the dedication you show to your cause. You are on a family vacation to Hong Kong and Cambodia and yet you find that time, even though you wrote, and I quote, "We're off to Hong Kong tomorrow for spring break, so you can look forward to some relief from my nonstop emails." Your family must feel as if they must be a burden to you on the Tilson Family Vacation.

In your latest email you lamented the DOE losing in court closing 19 schools. Whitney, this is what you emailed, whilst in Cambodia, "it’s clear that the DOE didn’t cross some t’s and dot some i’s, but the judge shouldn’t have stopped the closure. Hopefully it will be quickly overturned" That's how you see it? Failure to dot the I's and cross the T's?

Whitney, 2590-h of New York Education law was violated. Plain and simple. No matter how sliced, it is still bologna. But I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Seriously, I am.

Let's play make believe. Let's pretend it is a Friday night and you are driving home southbound on Interstate 684 in Bedford. You are feeling a tad randy, and decide to pull into the local rest stop. You are looking for some anonymous companionship and walk into stall #3 in the men's room. Now, in your heart of hearts you are praying that the person in the next stall is either Doug Lemov or Thomas W Carroll, but you will settle for anyone. So you start doing the tapping and signaling, or whatever it is you do. You have things worked out and walk over to the next stall and what do you find? Trooper Friendly of the New York State Police! Trooper Friendly arrests you on the spot, but has the decency to pull your trousers up. You are taken to the nearest state police sub station, and probably released on your own recognizance.

So what do you do next Whitney? From your cell you telephone your attorney. Then you call your wife and tell her this fantastical story how you had stopped at the Red Rooster in Brewster and had 5 bowls of chilli, which gave you the poots and you had to go real bad. You were also delirious from the smelling your own flatulence and just by accident you stumbled upon Trooper Friendly. Oh, you explain your pants were down because you were in the "ready mode" to do your business. You happen to tell the same story to your attorney, but he knows better.

You go through the legal rigmarole , yada, yada, yada. But during the discovery phase your lawyer notices something. He notices that in the arrest complaint Trooper Friendly put down the incorrect time of the arrest. Seems Trooper Friendly had put in massive overtime that week because his daughter needs braces and his not as fortunate as you are. What does this mean Whitney? Trooper Friendly didn't dot is I's and cross his T's!

Your attorney pounces on this! And he should, being the good attorney he is. He shows this to the judge, he asks for dismissal and PRESTO! The case is thrown out.

Whitney, see where I am going? No you don't. You are too self absorbed. Does anyone else wish to have a crack at what my point is? My point is you are a hypocrite. The law is the law. However, you only care when it applies to you. Joel Klein, Mike Bloomberg and the rest of the dysfunction at Tweed broke the law. People fought back. And not just the UFT as you claim, but the NAACP as well. Whitney, if you were in the same shoes you would fight and fight for yourself. But you are just to wrapped up in the warpness of yourself to see what you do and are.

I have four emails you sent this week that have left me some great fodder. Tune in.