Abbott and Costello Meet the Teacher Data Reports

It had to happen. The farcical world of Abbott and Costello has hit the NYC DOE.

Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York. You know NYC DOE Chancellor Dennis Walcott gave me a job at Tweed as long as you are a teacher.

Costello: Look Abbott, if you're at Tweed, you must know how the Teacher Data Reports work.

Abbott: I certainly do.

Costello: Well you know I've never read mine. So you'll have to tell me my rating and then I'll know how I am doing

Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you your rating, but you know it seems to me they give these teachers now-a-days very ratings.

Costello: You mean funny ratings?

Abbott: Strange ratings names, like Shitty, Great, Sucks, Good

Costello: Oh and….?

Abbott: Poor. But the NYC DOE and an economist have solved those names with better names.

Abbott: Well, let's see, we have as ratings for teachers, Highly Effective, Effective, Developing…..

Costello: That's what I want to find out.

Abbott: What did I say, Highly Effective, Effective, Developing…..

Costello: Are you the principal? What do these ratings mean?

Abbott: No, I am not the principal.

Costello: What are you?

Abbott: Just a nameless bureaucrat

Costello: And you don't know what the ratings mean?

Abbott: Well I should.

Costello: Well then am I a highly effective teacher based on my ELA TDR reports published in the New York Times of February 24?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: So you think I am highly effective.

Abbott: No.

Costello: I’m not. I’m a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad boy!

Abbott: Yes, you are not. There is a +/- rating of 75% according to Yoav Gonan of The New York Post

Costello: So The Times gave me a 85%. So what am I now?

Abbott: Screwed. Among the worst in NYC you are down to 10%

Costello: So I’m…..?

Abbott: Ineffective!

Costello: Wait, I have The Times here. The Times says the +/- is 50% for ELA so I am no longer ineffective.

Abbott: That's not true.

Costello: OK, I’m effective?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's effective?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, how do you say that I am effective? First you say I am ineffective, than developing, now………

Abbott: Highly Effective.

Costello: What?

Abbott: In Math.

Costello: How am I highly effective in Math?

Abbott: You got a score of 35 right.?

Costello: Right!

Abbott: The Yoav Gonen +/- margin of error in math is 60%.Costello: The guy that gets...

Costello: So now I am highly effective...

Abbott: Yes!

Costello: Do these score accurately show what kind of teacher I am

Abbott: Yes. What's wrong with that?

Costello: Look, all I wanna know is are the scores accurate.

Abbott: What.

Costello: The scores

Abbott: Why

Costello: So I know I will have a job, so I know what kind of teacher I am.

Abbott: You have the scores; figure it out your self.

Costello: Yes

Abbott: So you are, as long as you fall into the margin of error.

Costello: All I'm trying to find out is how can I be all over the place with my ratings

Abbott: You can

Costello: Can what?

Abbott: Be effective, highly effective, ineffective and developing all at once.

Costello: One rating at a time

Costello: Let me ask you this,

Abbott: Take it easy, buddy, but OK

Costello: I'm only asking you, several of my students moved into the school a week before the tests

Abbott: That's right.

Costello: Ok.

Abbott: All right.

Costello: So how can I be rated on what I taught these students.

Abbott: You can.

Costello: I can?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Why?

Abbott: They’re your students.

Costello: But they were my students for a week. The came from ANOTHER state!!!

Abbott: Were they on your roster?

Costello: Abbott……

Abbott: Yes Costello……

Costello: As a teacher I have one thing to say.

Abbott: What's that?

Costello: The DOE is doing everything it can to make me not give a darn and retire.

Abbott: That’s exactly what we want to do.