Getting a Pay Raise From the DOE Through Time Travel

Francesco Portelos' blog post on how to give yourself a raise was quite thought provoking. In fact it gave The Crack Team quite a bit to think about. The Crack Team wanted to investigate  other methods to give oneself a raise without anyone, especially the DOE, ever knowing about it?

The Crack Team has spent the day locked away with top scientist from across the nation today debating and discussing the best methods to give teachers of New York City a well deserved pay raise without anyone really knowing. At about 6:30 PM EDT on March 13, 2014 a light bulb appeared above the heads of The Crack Team and the scientists. Getting a raise for teachers can be done through time travel. But how?

There are several options The Crack Team discussed for time travel.

The Crack Team thought of the whip around the sun method used in Star Trek, but it is impractical due to needing a star ship, the need for dilithium crystals, and a Vulcan to make the proper calculations. But it seems impractical. Or a rift in the space time continuum can be used. But again, there is that need for a star ship. Or that planet with the "Guardian of Forever?" But how do we get to that planet? And if we do, how can we be certain that we jump through at the right time?

One can develop a WABAC machine, but one would need to find Mr Peabody and he suddenly has grown a huge head from his new found found role as a Hollywood leading man, has blown off Sherman and hanging out at Hef's.

That left The Crack Team with the Flux Capacitor. The instructions to build one are all over the internet, but The Crack Team has decided instead to save time and spend a few bucks and buy one. Now to power it.

Do we go with the plutonium or a lightning strike? Since purchasing and owning plutonium is illegal and might incur the wrath of SCI, we decided to go with a lighting strike.

What will our time delivery system be? The cost of a De Lorean is prohibitive for The Crack Team are just teachers and the De Lorean is a little out of their price range. Bob suggested we go with a 1977 Chevy Caprice Classic which is a solid automobile and has a bit of style.

To get up to 88 miles per hour we will use the Cross Westchester Expressway during a lighting storm starting at Exit 10 in Rye Brook and by the time The Crack Team gets to the Tappan Zee Bridge the Caprice will be hit by lighting and it will be 1927.

The Crack Team chose that year for that is the year that Uncle Mike Bloomberg's parents met in high school and kissed for the for the first time at the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance.

The plan is to keep them from kissing at the dance. If they never kiss, they never fall in love. If they never fall in love, they never marry. If they never marry, Uncle Mike never exists. And if Uncle Mike never exists, Uncle Mike never becomes mayor. And if Uncle Mike never becomes mayor, we get a contract in 2009 with pay raises. And if we get a contract in 2009, we probably get a contract in 2012 with even more raises!!

It can work. It can be done. But, wait. Could it be that someone will take this seriously and sick the Timecop on The Crack Team?

Just one more thing. Let's call it a disclaimer.

This is not real! If anyone thinks time anything written on these pages is actually a plan you must be dumber than a brain damaged monkey!