RED ROSE SPEEDWAY

My 3020-a hearing ended this past Tuesday, February 3, and now I have nothing to do but wait.

Next up is the lawsuit that had been filed back in August in which the corporation counsel has been dicking around conveniently, considering the 3020-a hearing. But more on that later.

I have so much to write about. I am backed up in my mind. But one thing is at the forefront of my mind.

There's a song, Big Barn Bed on the Paul McCartney and Wings album Red Rose Speedway that gave me some things to think about the last few years and especially the last few months;

Who's That Coming Round That Corner
Who's That Coming Round That Bend
Who's That Coming Round That Corner, Will It
Will It Be My Friend

This happens. The self-doubt, the wondering of who is on your side, who will be supportive, or not supportive, is real. It might not be rational, but it is real. 

I do not want to go into too many details and names right now but there are so many out there who stood by me and supported me. Not only during the last 2 months of hearings, but since September 2013 when charges were filed, back to the 2012-13 school year, to way back when I started this blog. Some of these people had been expected and some just surprised me and even just as good, some were people I had never known before this or had never met.

To all these people I promise in time that I will thank each and everyone of you through this blog. I believe the everyone needs to know what truly great people you all were in my times of need. There is not a single thing I won't do for these people.
 
Sadly, at least in my opinion, there are those that dropped the ball.

Hey it's not that I expect reciprocation, but one would assume the ethical and moral thing to do when one sticks there neck out for someone time after time after time after time is some modicum of support. A teensy eensy bit? I mean, it can at least be faked, which for this one person faking everything would seem to be pretty easy.

For years I gave my time to help (Hmmm, thinking of a pet name) The Narcissist with all of its problems it was having with it's principal.

Phone calls, text messages, emails. I was always there in a pinch. Why? Because that is who I am and what I do.

I mean the kvetching was incessant. Not saying that the The Narcissist had no reason to kvetch, but it was always about (Like an opera singer getting ready before a performance) me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

All I would get was, "Pleaseeeeeeee, can you call this person and find out X," "Please X is writing me up, what can I do?" "I can't sleep anymore," "I am so depressed," "Please Peter, do me this favor." Well... you get the drift. I mean I spent countless hours and constant energy.

Worse, I took a lot of direct hits and shit for this person. I was a shield. I could have put myself in a worse situation than I had already been in.

But I know no other way than to do the right thing.

And I soon got the drift. It is all about, I, me, mine.

 When I spent the 2013-14 year locked up in the Rubber Room, was there support for me, from someone I considered a friend? Kinda.

The support was more obligatory, just for appearance sake. Nothing more, nothing less. Yeah I know The Narcissist was busy, way too busy for it's problems had ended and it was too wrapped up with itself to even look past it's nose.

Oh once in a while it would contact me when there was something was posted on these pages that exposed what a narcissist The Narcissist truly is. But it had a conniption fit when the policies of this blog were shared of removing comments.

I did the right thing and ceased all contact with The Narcissist. I was not angry, just done. And somewhat saddened. Going through life, self-absorbed it can be quite depressing. I felt sorry for it.

A few months ago, I think it was just after my hearing started, I contacted this person asking for assistance. The Narcissist knows several people and I thought that it would be willing to do me this one favor. I was not calling in a chit, but I believed that The Narcissist was due to impart a favor for me.

I was wrong. Like a leopard The Narcissist does not, cannot, and will never change it's spots. Well, I can be wrong. The Narcissist will change it's spots only if it benefits The Narcissist.

I live, I learn. We live, we learn. This person is dead to me. The Narcissist is in the realm of non-existence.

Once again, I am forever grateful to those who took the time to talk me down, listen to me, show up at my hearings, give me advice, tell me it will be OK, etc... There are some out there who don't even realize they supported me by doing little things, like making me laugh or sharing just a little thing about themselves. I appreciate it all.