The following comes to you from the files of, "This Shit Can't Be Made Up!"A disturbing story came across the news desk of The Crack Team recently. It is so disturbing, so vile, so inane, we didn't know whether to laugh or to cry, or to spew chunks.
An ATR shared with us about their school which is being run by, as we were told, "nitpicking micro-managers (Administrators) who are up your ass everyday and in your room 2-3 times looking for something to provide 'actionable feedback."
Eventually one of these micro-managers found something so abhorrent, so revolting what this ATR had been doing it necessitated a quick "strategy conference."
The AP informed the ATR that handouts were being passed out the wrong way!
OH MY GOD!!!! THE HORROR OF IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!
Wrong way? Does this mean with the wrong hand? I'm left-handed living in a right-handed world. When I pass out handouts (rexos) I hold the papers in my right hand and use my left hand to pass them out. Surely, this is a disciplinary offense?
Could it be the ATR did not flick the wrist properly? Or maybe did not center the handout correctly on the desk? Dear Lord, maybe a morning of PD on Election Day can rectify this problem.
So what really was the issue?
The ATR was chastised because it had taken 75 seconds to pass out the handouts. One minute and 15 seconds.
The AP shared with the ATR that these 75 seconds resulted in a lost of "quality learning" time that which over a year can result in the loss of several periods of learning.
The ATR was corrected. Kinda like in the manner in which The Shining when the Jack Nicholson was told to correct his wife.
The ATR was told to have handouts in piles per table groups and have the table captains walk up to pick them out and then hand them out at their tables.
So here's the deal. How do we shave off the time and help this ATR pass out the handout in a quicker, more efficient manner that not only makes sense but is much more efficient?
This does not seem very efficient. What will that save, 3.75 seconds (Don't laugh. The Crack Team has tested out this scenario at The Crack Team's Educational Research Labs in Yonkers)?
The ATR can get one of those cannon things that shoot T-shirts at sporting events. Nah, can only do one at a time and will waste time loading it.
The ATR can stand in the middle of the class, or rather at this school the "Learning Environment," and throw the handouts up in the air and hope the all float to each student. Nah.
The Crack Team invested many hours on this one and came up with a solution. It is so simple and so plausible.
We have instructed the ATR to go to the science lab during the next thunderstorm and stand by many different chemicals. To ensure a lightning strike on the aforementioned chemicals the ATR, along with help from the school's science teacher, will build a lightning rod from the chemicals, out the window, and up to the roof of the school. During the storm lightning will hit the rod, come down through it to the chemicals which then will spill all over the ATR. At this moment the ATR will soon be blessed with speed as fast as light. Either that or wind up in 1955.
Or the ATR can go back in time to before Krypton exploded, knock out Jor-El and Lora and throw Kal-El out of the ship and blast off towards earth and have the true effects of the yellow Sun. Yeah, I know. This idea is kind of silly and unrealistic. The first idea is better.
Let's see the UFT come up with this kind of out of the box thinking.
Lemov delves deeply into these issues in Teach Like a Champion.
ReplyDeleteAbigail Shure
That does seem like a long time to hand out papers. Any good teacher knows how easy it is to lose the class. Your piece is amusing and the idea of AP'S w stopwatch especially is laughable, but if I was there, or you, we'd probably tell this teacher to pick up the pace.
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