Teachers With Guns? There is a Better Way

So this dipshit President Assclown, and his lackeys at the NRA, are suggesting that teachers should be armed as well as locked and loaded in case of some crazed demented male with a tiny tallywhacker decides to shoot up a school.

This is not a good idea. Please read Arthur Goldstein's take on why it is stupid. Think about it. We as teachers keep on hearing how we are no good. But, we are to be trusted with handguns and other weapons in case an active shooter comes into our school to destroy the lives of the children we keep on being told we are destroying anyway.

Law enforcement are the only ones with the training and capabilities to protect the children and take down an active shooter. Yeah, dumbass Trump says to train teachers. But law enforcement does not get trained just once, they keep on getting trained and re-trained.

My son's school district has a Harrison police officer at each school. That is who I trust. I also, God forbid, believe that if there is an active shooter in his school that his teachers will shield the students to the best of their abilities. But not all school districts and police departments can afford or have the manpower to have an office in each school.

This is not perfect, but this is what we have until more is done to limit the sales of guns and military style weapons. But in the meantime something needs to be done. The Crack Team got together and came up with some ideas that are better than arming teachers and hopefully will appeal to the Cheeto Face president and his sycophants.

Lightsabers

Yes, lightsabers. Arm all teachers with lightsabers. As Obi Wan told Luke in Star Wars Episode IV...

Not as clumsy or random as a blaster; an elegant weapon for a more civilized age.

Yes, each teacher will be assigned a light saber (color of their choice). As Rey has shown in Episodes VII and VIII one does not need to be trained in the ways of the Force to use one. And let's not forget that Finn was proficient with a lightsaber.

Vulcan Nerve Pinch

Each district will send several teachers from each school to the Vulcan Science Academy for intensive instruction on the practice of using the VNP. What's that you say? Only Vulcans have the ability to perform the VNP? I don't think so.

In Star Trek: TOS episode "Omega Glory" after Spock uses the VNP...

Kirk tells Spock "Pity you can't teach me that" (i.e. the Vulcan Nerve Pinch), and Spock replies "I have tried, Captain."

And lest we forget, Mr Data, Odo, Jean-Luc Picard (because he is way more cool than Kirk), Jonathan Archer, and the useless holographic Doctor have all used the VNP. It can be done.

General Order 24

Yes, we more Star Trek: TOS! In "A Taste of Armageddon" Captain Kirk while he and the landing party were being held hostage ordered Mr Scott to implement General Order 24, An order to destroy all life on an entire planet. But Scott was trained well. He did not want to follow in the footsteps as Captain Garth did on Antos IV. Scott had the Enterprise wipe out all power and weapons systems on EminiarVII.

Trump can commission, or use his billions, to build a star ship orbiting the earth. When an active shooter situation happens in a school the local principal can give General Order 24.

Batman Style

No, come on. Let's be real. There is no such thing as Batman. But, we can train teachers, one teacher per school, in the style of Batman.

Each summer every school district selects one teacher (of course by seniority) to travel to Bhutan and be trained by The League of Shadows and Ra's al Ghul. After an intensive 8 week session the teachers travels back to their schools and are in essence each school's Dark Knight. When an active shooter (hopefully never) situation arises that teacher can take care of the shooter Batman style.

The Crack Team worked hard at coming up with these inane ideas. Much harder than Trump and the NRA did coming up with their dumbassity. It's time to be realistic. Want to end the Active Shooter curse. Don't give them something to shoot with.

Oh, and get rid of Trump and all the blooducking NRA Republicans.