Happy Good Time Emotion Response Place and School

I know of a school in NYC, can't say where, but the elementary school is going ultra liberal in its response to discipline issue that is ruining it. The school will be officially known as the Happy Good Time Emotion Response Place and School. What does this mean? The Crack Team here at SBSB was able to obtain a copy of the FAQ that put answered questions staff members might ask of the new system of discipline. This FAQ was sent out to staff members and we here at SBSB are more than happy to publish the FAQ.
 
A student in my class repeatedly disrupts the learning process. Should I call that student's parents?

NO! Under no circumstances is a teacher on their own ever to call a student's parents. Doing this might upset the child. We want our students to be able to reflect upon their own, come to their own conclusion on why disrupting the class might be disturbing to others.

A student just kicked me in my nuts. How should I respond?

First, please be professional and do not use the word nuts. Please use testicle(s). If this were to happen to a male teacher do not raise your voice or let the student know you are seeing stars and feeling pain. In a calm soothing voice look the student in the eye and say, "Ouch, my testicle(s) hurt(s). I know you did not mean to kick me there, but I understand that you are in crisis. I shall put a soothing balm and/or icepack on my testicle(s)."

A student just ran down the hall way punching and biting students. This student also tore down student's work from the bulletin boards, how should this student be disciplined?


This is very simple. Show that you really mean business by allowing the student to play games on the computer all day. This will also show that you are using the technology properly.

According the the NYC DOE Discipline Code there are many level 4 and 5 infractions. Surely, this must put the school in a positive light, what can be done to reduce such infractions?

Very simple. Stop reporting level 4 and 5 infractions. This is not a cover up. Just hiding one's head in the sand and hoping no one will notice.

A student has just thrown chair in the classroom endagering other students safety. What is the best way to deal with this?

Allow him to do an art project. Or better yet, get him a Bobo Doll. This child feels the need to express themselves and what better way to avoid a problem than to just add to the problem.

Where have these fascinating ideas been formulated?

At a teacher's college. 


How does one remove a disruptive student?

Only student's that are not disruptive to the pedagogues will be removed. Though, once removed, there will be no paper trail, no student removal forms filled out and no reporting. 

A student has thrown 3 major fits in the day thus far. Each fit has put students and staff in danger. What can be done?


Basically, nothing negative. But positive, we can give the child candy, let him have extra gym, or just let the student have the run of the school.

Why are we not to call parents? 

Phone calls might upset parents. Also, there needs to be control of teachers. 

Have any of these liberal discipline methods ever been effective?

No, but it is just theory. And since it is theory and someone thought of these liberal discipline methods, it must be right.

If these liberal discipline methods do not work, who is to blame?

The teachers of course. Not the ones who came up with these methods. Never, never, never.

How will we know if these methods are not working? Will there be some sort of sign, signal?


Simple. Once you lose control of your classroom and the school is out of control, both by October 16 at 1:45 PM, all hell has broken lose and you can kiss any semblance of learning good bye.

So there you have it. The FAQ from the new Happy Good Time Emotion Response Place and School. Critical Mass come February.