Governor Andy Writes Education Policy Erotica

 Dear Forum;

Just to let the readers know, I am a governor of a major Northeast state and dabble in educational matters. For reasons that are obvious I can’t really say who I am.

I know the following might seem like a funny coincidence, but rest assured, everything is true.

One day as I was working in the backyard of the Executive Mansion, I noticed my next door neighbor, a young man with a goatee and glasses, gardening in his backyard without a shirt. Intrigued, I said a quick hello and introduced myself to him from the fence separating our two properties.

“Hi, I am Andy, the governor of this state,” I said slyly.

My neighbor gave me the once over and told me his name is John, a former charter school leader and that he had degrees from 3 Ivy League schools and was looking for a new challenge. I thought to myself, “Boy, do I have something for him.”

 We decided to have a drink in the outdoor hot tub of the Executive Mansion.  John and I were in bliss as we jumped into the hot tub together. But strangely, something inside my head told me that John knew what I had in mind.

What I had planned to do with John, I learned from a man named Joe. Joe worked at an agency that wanted education reform by democrats only. Joe, along with his partner, a man that works with money, Whitney, got me alone one night and plied me with drinks and a lot of cash to make me do things that I never have done before, thing that before that night with Joe and Whitney never crossed my mind. Joe and Whitney had come over to the Executive Mansion one night, a night I look back and realize that they had only one thing on their mind.

I was raised in a strict Catholic family. My father, a former governor of the same state I am governor now, believed in the common man, believed in fairness, believed in education, believed that education matters were best when initiated on the local level and by educators.

Not Joe and Whitney. They got put so many drinks in me that night, so much money, and I felt wanted and at no time felt I was being taken advantage of. Joe was the first one to whisper in my ear something I never heard before.

“Andy, there is so much money to be made from education, our friends at Pearson want a cut of that”

Whitney came up from behind me and grabbed my attention, “It’s the unions and the teacher’s that are failing the schools, and we need some very young, new and fresh teachers from TFA, from which I will benefit financially.”

Soon enough they both ganged up on me, telling me I must do their bidding and as they stuffed globs and globs of money into my pockets and saying things in my ear that no one had ever told me, my breathing was getting heavier as I could not resist their demands about education any longer. I had no choice but to scream out, “YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!” to their requests.

At the end of the evening as they were leaving, they both told me about my next-door neighbor John. They said that I must get him to be the leader of education in my state. That only through John, will all the plans come to fruition.

There alone in the hot tub I began to share with John Joe and Whitney’s education requests. He giggled. I don’t know if the giggling was because of the bubbles from hot tub or from the 3^rd mimosa in his hand.

I knew now was the time. I gazed in John’s eyes he gazed back at mine. We both connected non verbally. He knew what to expect from me in that hot tub.

“John,” I said, “I want you to run the state education department and I want you to…”

He looked at me. He put his index finger over my pursed, quivering, yet moist lips.

“No need to go further,” John said assuredly and tenderly. “You had me at join me in the hot tub for some mimosa’s.”

“John, do you mean…”

“Adoption of the Common Core which no one can decipher or understand?”

“YESSS!!! “ I screamed

“How about a convoluted teacher evaluation scheme in which we can get rid of tenured, veteran teachers?”

“OH YES!!!!!!!!!!” I wailed.

“Holding communities hostage by withholding millions of dollars if they don’t adapt our education policies?”

“OHHHHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! DON’T STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I shrieked.

“I will have Pearson and other education companies control education in this state!”

“OH, OH, OH, YES, YES!!!” I panted heavily.

“And best of all, I will destroy education in this state for generations in which urban students will remain ignoramuses and only have enough to skills to serve the elite on the Upper East Side and in the Summer, the Hamptons. And of course your family in Mt Kisco.”

“OH MY GOD, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

We were both exhausted. We looked at each other and knew what to do. I reached around and grabbed my Winstons. I gave him one and I took one. He lit mine, then his. We sat back and enjoyed the well deserved smoke.

We never smoke of that time together in the hot tub again. But every now and then when I see John on Washington Ave or Crossgates. We will say hi and smile. We both knew only amongst ourselves what we were smiling about.