We here at SBSB wish to commend Chaz the Blogger for his latest piece which was published today. Like Navin Johnson extorted once, Chaz has extorted today. Education is a profit game. The crack team likes and respects Chaz very much and has voted unanimously to make Chaz an honorary member of the crack team. Kudos to you Chaz, drinks are on you at the next meeting of the crack team.
Unfortunately, Chaz has already missed the latest meeting held late this afternoon. After reading Chaz's posting today the crack team has decided that it wants to bask in shitloads of money and what better way to do that than to get into the business of education.
Come summer of 2012 we here are starting Educational Solutions™. Yes, a one stop marketplace for school districts nationwide for all their educational needs. How, what is the plan you might ask. Well, sit back, get a glass of milk and some Oreos and enjoy. We must add the following warning. All ideas are intellectual property owned by the crack team here at SBSB. Any attempt to circumvent will be dealt with the harshest penalty; Uncle Mike Bloomberg coming to your home and reading to your children.
Next fall Educational Solutions™ will have five pilot elementary schools here in the Bronx. All teachers at these schools will be excessed, terminated, or meet with unfortunate accidents. In their places will be college graduates, being paid $19.50 an hour by Educational Solutions™. The city will pay Educational Solutions™ $39.50 an hour for the cost of these "teachers" Think about this. No health benefits, no pension, no sick days to pay for. For a school with about 60 teachers that will be $2.8 million a year the city pays us. Think of the savings without having those pesky pensions, health benefits, and matching Social Security to pay for. Each teacher is a 1099 employee. We here at Educational Solutions stand to make a profit of $1.4 million per school just on teachers alone! Of course this will be minus the $4.55 deducted from their pay for their 30 minute lunch.
But who would work for only $19.50 an hour right out of college? Surely not Ivy League and elitist college grads. No, we wil lrecruit at SUNY Geneseo, SUNY New Paltz, Western Connecticut State, Mercy College, we want regular Joes and Janes. But you ask wouldn't such a students be terrible teachers?
Bu the genius of it all is that once we here at Educational Solutions™ get our feet solidly on the ground, no longer will we be recruiting and accepting applicants from these colleges. Instead will will scour the depths of colleges in India, Bangladesh, Nigeria, and the Philippines and pay these teachers even less while we pocket the savings.
No! We here at Educational Solutions™ will write the curriculum. We will hire a staff of retired teachers living off pensions and Social Security in Florida. Yes, these retired teachers who do have a lot to still contribute, and needing something to do at Century Village between Canasta games will write the curriculum, including verbatim scripts for the teachers to use, for a dollar per page.
Each school will have one principal and one AP who are both retired administrators, again saving on costs. These principals will be in our employ so there officially won't be any double dipping.
For the custodial staff we won't even think for one moment to employ Temco. No, early each morning the principal of each school will take his pick up truck and swing by local Home Depots and pick up to five day laborers and pay each $20 a day, minus the $3.50 cent lunch provided by the school cafeteria. Of course the city will reimburse us $40 a day for each laborer.
The same selection criteria will be used for cafeteria staff.
If a teacher calls in sick, we get a sub for the same pay rate. If the teacher is not doing his her her job, we have no contract to adhere to. The parts are interchangeable. Perhaps, and this is down the road, Educational Solutions™ can pick amongst the day laborers outside Home Depot.
And overhead? There will be no overhead at Educational Solutions™. Our mailing address will be the local UPS store, all we need is a cell phone and a modem. We save the DOE money, we rake in the profits, the kids get screwed. It's a win, win, who gives a sh** solution.