SOUTH BRONX SCHOOL: Thomas W Carroll Appearing In New FOX Reality Show?

Monday, April 5, 2010

Thomas W Carroll Appearing In New FOX Reality Show?

SBSB has just learned that submissions of applications for Race To The Top will take a reality show format. Yes, you read that right. Borrowing a mostly from The Bachelor and a bit from Rock of Love. The show will be entitled, "The Secretary" in which Arne Duncan will choose one lucky state, represented by someone of the choosing of each state's choosing competes against 49 (excluding Tennessee and Delaware) for the heart of Arne Duncan.

As in The Bachelor each contestant will spend time on a "date" with Arne Duncan, trying to wow him into releasing money for that contestant's state. Those who stay on are given a red rose to keep and to cherish. Borrowing from Rock of Love, each contestant will degrade themselves privately to the lowest possible denominator to better their chance of getting the red rose and ultimately winning the RTtT money.

Representing New York State will be RTtT expert and charter school advocate and big shot, Thomas W Carroll. In fact we here at SBSB got a special preview, albeit in transcript form. Unfortunately the transcripts have been edited to leave out the naughty bits and words. This was not a decision made by FOX, but none without authorization by transcriber Irma Rabinowitz, 88, of Boca Raton FL. So without further ado, a sneak peak of FOX's The Secretary.

The scene: Thomas W Carroll and Arne Duncan are walking alone on a beach on Chesapeake Bay. They are holding hands.

Carroll: I feel like the luckiest guy in the world tonight. Just you and me on this moonlit beach, each with champagne floozies. Arne: I know how you feel. Carroll: I feel a special oneness with you Arne, a oneness that can't be explained. It's a onenesss I want to share with the world. Arne: SoonThomas, soon. One day the world want look down their noses at the special bonf we are forming. Caroll (resting his head on Arne's shoulder): I so look forward to that day. By the way Arne, have you looked at New York State's application for RTtT? Arne: Yes I have Thomas. But you know there is more that must be done. Tomorrow night you are in the degradation round, alone with me. I hope you have given it some thought. Carroll: I have, I have.

After this, the transcript has the "confessional" part of the show in which each talk candidly to the camera.

Arne Duncan: I am having a tough time with Thomas. Yes he shows me a great deal of affection on the beach, but is he really willing to go all out in the degradation round? If he wows me I don't see any reason why he wouldn't get a red rose. Carroll: Words can't describe what I felt for Arne walking alone with him on that beach. I know he has the same feelings for me that I do, but wait until the degradation round. I am bringing Bosco, a leaf blower, motor oil, and an menorah. No one, and certainly not that bitch from New Jersey can out degrade themselves more than I can myself!

The degradation round is a round in which the applicant is left alone in Arne Duncan's office for 10 minutes. The lower you sink in the quest for money, the better the chances of getting the red rose and ultimately winning the second round of RTtT. Cameras are not allowed in for the degradation round.

Degradation round confessional:

Arne Duncan(sitting at his desk in bathrobe): I was quite impressed. The way Thomas used the Bosco! Never have I seen it used that way before. The menorah and the leaf blower added quite a twist, but neither would have worked without the motor oil. I am glad Thomas chose a 5 weight oil. Thomas is getting a red rose for sure!!!
Thomas W Carroll(on floor covered in Bosco and motor oil, only wearing his Hanes briefs): Editors note: Indistinguishable, making garbling noises, tounge hanging out of his mouth. Smiles when told he is getting a red rose.

1 comment:

Kilroy said...

Keep up the fight! Arne Duncan is useless as a woodpecker on an aluminum telephone pole :)

I added you to my blogroll