Did I have a dream or did the dream have me?--Peart, Neil (2003)
I awoke in a cold sweat this first morning of Rosh Hashanah. I had dreamt that Donald Trump not only had decided to give up his quest to be President of the United States and run instead for UFT president, but thankfully had lost resoundingly.
As I lie in groggy in bed praying to YHWH that it was nothing but a dream I thought to myself, "What qualifications does The Trumpster have to be UFT president, let alone run in the election?"
Before heading off to Shul I met with The Crack Team for our annual Rosh Hashanah breakfast over bagels and lox and we put our collective minds together. We could not think of one qualification that Trump had to be UFT president.
Thankfully The Crack Team intern Zippy the Brain Damaged Chimp was able to list several dis-qualifications that would enable Trump to at the very least run and which would be his downfall in losing.
Zippy has given us permission to list his ideas on this blog but since we had no bananas to give him, we promised Zippy full copyright rights over his list.
Zippy The Brain Damaged Chimp's List of Donald Trump's "Dis-Qualifications" to Run and then Lose in the UFT Election©
1. Trump is a narcissist.
2. Trump can only attack others instead of debating the facts.
3. Trump embellishes his accomplishments.
4. Trump belittles everyone who contradicts him.
5. Trump sues anyone and everyone who peels back the veneer of what he himself has built up in his mind.
6. Trump makes empty promises.
7. Trump exaggerates his support.
8. Trump is a cult of personality.
9. Trump has pissed off the very people that he should be cooperating with.
10. Trump is a bully.
11. Trump's favorite Beatles song, "I, Me, Mine."
12. Trump is a fraud.
13. Trump sinks to the level of the lowest common denominator.
14. Trump lies.
15. Trump can't take responsibility for his screw ups.
16. Trump bogarts other people's stuff.
17. Trump believes he is an agent of change.
18. Trump has tantrums when he doesn't get his way.
The Crack Team, on behalf of Zippy, ask that if you do use any of this list that you please attribute it to Zippy and not The Crack Team. This will help us in the future on paying Zippy and it will also boost his confidence.
On behalf of Zippy, thank you.