SOUTH BRONX SCHOOL: This Is My Very Last Blog Post

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

This Is My Very Last Blog Post

I have come to the conclusion that as a teacher I do not live in the real world. My reality is no longer real.

What has brought this on? The arguments being made of late that in the private sector, or real world if you will, that personnel decisions are based on merit not seniority. I now espouse the teachings of Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Little Evan Stone, and Princess Sydney Morris.

As a teacher I have had it to good for too long and wish to be judged, in case of layoffs of meritocracy and not the amount of years I have put into the DOE.

I have decided to stop blogging. I am no longer going to fight the fight. From this moment on I only want to be treated as if I were employed in a true blue American business. As such an employee I can expect:

To take a two hour lunch and pack down a couple of cold Budweisers.

To take the afternoon off to play golf with a client.

To sleep with my superior to advance my career as long as she is Sarah Silverman.

To make personal calls during the work day.

To banter around the water cooler for minutes on end discussing the latest episode of "Sex and the City."

To send chain emails through my office email account.

To use my office computer to shop on Cyber Monday.

To lock myself in my office and avoid people when I am not feeling well or in a bad mood.

To manipulate financial markets for my own personal gain and escape any criminal prosecution.

To decide for myself that there is too much snow and to stay home.

To work from home when needed.

To take a client to Hooters for lunch whenever I need to.

To have an expense account.

To fly first class on a 45 minute business trip to Buffalo.

To cut out early on Friday's.

To stop and chat with fellow co-workers as I saunter past their cubicles.

To not worry about being fired because I know that as long as I provide my boss Giants tickets I am safe.

To have my boss come to my office and we can talk about the Super Bowl for a few hours.

To start a Super Bowl box at work.

To buy those football tickets during football season from the pimply face kid in the mail room.

To play Minesweeper, Solitaire, Tetris and other computer games during work time.

To keep up with my fantasy teams.

To watch You Tube videos.

To book personal travel.

To play pranks on other co-workers.

To go on Facebook and update my status.

To buy tickets for Rush at Madison Square Garden for April 10.

To make long distance phone calls.

To go on Facebook and play Mafia Wars, Farmville, and Yo Ville.

To Google a girl I dated once in 1983.

To contribute to the official Hogan's Heroes messageboard.

To have a 20 minute cigarette break.

To get a personal loan from my boss.

To do my nails, or clip my nose hair at my desk.

Yes, I want to be treated as if I worked in a business. It is about time.


Anonymous said...

OMG -- this is hilarious!!!

cmilmerstadt said...

. . . and I hope it is NOT your last post!

Polo Colon said...

Very Clever! Proud that you're on our side! Hey, Bloombucks & Co. and you other business derriers - do you yet still not get it?

Chaz said...

Very funny and true. Notice nobody wants to get into teaching when the economy is fine but when the economy goes bad, it is bash the teacher, they have it too good.

Emma Goldman's Ghost said...

Oh no, this will not be your last post! We need to keep the oligarchy on its toes......journalism, except for the few dedicated souls, is a dead career path in this country so we need informed, witty bloggers like you, SBS. How else would you let us know about your podcasts? Who has their ear to the ground when it comes to hedgefunders/charter school czars/faggoty assholes?

Anonymous said...

Sounds like the way my Principal does business.

NYCDOEnuts said...

Fine. Clip your toenails st your desk, just please don't let this be your last post!