SOUTH BRONX SCHOOL: Oy Vey! Kosher Franks And Beans

Monday, December 6, 2010

Oy Vey! Kosher Franks And Beans

Back in 1984 I was a counselor a very well known sleep away camp in the wilds of rural Connecticut. It was a heady time. The summer of the Los Angeles Olympics, the summer of the Detroit Tigers, Bobby Meacham was the starting shortstop for the Yankees, and Reagan was up for re-election.

I'll never forget visiting day. Some parents wanted to take a photo of their son with his counselor Chuck. Chuck wasn't the handsomest counselor in camp. Like Stork, he had a face like a pepperoni pizza. His hair, swimming in too many dabs of Brylcreem. And to be honest, Chuck wasn't the brightest bulb in the bunch. But that is not was special about Chuck that day.

As the parents were taking their photo with their son and Chuck sitting on the steps of the nature lodge, something was amiss. Now remember, back in those days of the tube socks, shorts were actually shorts. As dad prepared to take the photo Chuck's franks and beans were hanging out through the leggings of the shorts. Of course Chuck was oblivious to it all. Not I, as I watched the photo being taken. It was all I could do to keep from laughing. Dad snapped the shutter on his Instamatic and I am sure when mom and dad got home they raced to the drugstore to develop the photos. I have always wondered what their reaction was when they saw Chuck's junk.

Why do I bring this up? A little over a year ago at Mark Twain IS 239 in Brooklyn there was a rabbi who happened to be a teacher there. He was kind of like Chuck. Socially dim bulbed, and not the most hygienic person in the world. he was not the type to buy his clothes at Men's Warehouse, or even Sears. His clothes were old and tattered, but he was comfortable I guess.

One day this rabbi and teacher was with students. The inseam on his pants leg was torn apart and apparently his underwear was not the correct size. It just so happened that unbeknownst to him he had a Chuck moment. Yes, the Kosher frank and beans were out in all their glory. How much, I do not know. The crack team here at the SBSB have tried beyond all hope to ascertain if the helmet was seen. But that is beside the point. Subsequently, the principal, Carol Moore, screamed holy hell and the rabbi after being questioned by her was off to Auschwitz, er I meant, the Rubber Room.

So after spending sometime there last week he finally gets furloughed. The crack team at OSI or CSI didn't charge him. Everything was dropped. It was a grievous mistake on his part.

So the rabbi goes back to IS 239 and Principal Moore like Mussolini from the balcony refuses to let him back in the school. Phone calls were made, chits were called in, tantrums thrown. The rabbi was sent back to where he was reassigned.

While not condoning the rabbi's lack of self-awareness in his guys hanging out, as well as the lack of hygiene, and proper dress I do have some issue at how this was handled. Firstly, there is no reason for this have taken as long as it did. Please explain why this matter could not have been over in a week? Why couldn't someone take him aside and explain to him that perhaps he should see a tailor? Secondly, in the years I have been teaching I wish I had a dime for every cleavage, bra strap, spandexed booty, cameltoe, nipples when it is cold, too short skirts, jiggling boobs, etc... I would be able to retire. But, I am sure these female teachers are just taken aside and talk to respectfully to change their style of dress.

This was a complete waste of money, and yet shows again the inability for principals and the DOE to see things in shades of gray.

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