SOUTH BRONX SCHOOL: It's Time I Get Something of My Chest About Myself (You Won't Be Surprised. I Think)

Sunday, May 8, 2022

It's Time I Get Something of My Chest About Myself (You Won't Be Surprised. I Think)

I've had this on my mind for some time. I have written this out in my mind time after time again. But I am going to say this straightforward. Like pulling a band aid off. But I am going to share this as a kind of stream of consciousnesses.

I am a 58 year old male and gosh darn I have Adult ADHD. I am sure there are some of you who know me well, and unwell, that this doesn't surprise you. I am not asking for sympathy. Nor am I asking for pity. I am asking for to understand. You don't have to agree or disagree. I am not making any excuses, but rather an explanation. 

It's very difficult for me to get organized and stay on task. Then again, if I am extremely "into" what I am doing it is very easy to stay or task and I'm a little bit more organized. I don't think I have ever fulfilled all I can as a teacher due to the ADHD. 

Along with the ADHD comes anxiety. It's like the chicken or the egg. Which came first? Does the ADHD bring on the anxiety or vice versa? It's very easy for me to get overwhelmed. 

I was on the thirteen year plan to graduate college. In fact I barely graduated high school. The last two and a half years of high school I really didn't give a crap. 

I can be quote impatient. I sometimes speak my mind at the wrong time. I tend to piss people off. My son says I remind him of Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm. 

And let's not forget the impulsivity!!!!! Oy vey! It always seems like a good idea at first.

Money and me don't get along. 

Driving and me weren't the best of friends. There was a time in my twenties in which getting pulled over was a natural occurrence. Though I have overcome that. 

I can have four hundred things going on in my head at once. It isn't pleasant. When I get anxious I tend to continuously swirl over something.

I get distracted easily. But as I said earlier, I can easily get hyper focused. 

Sitting in one place for too long is problematic

My mind is very creative. If I had to do it over I would do something creative. When I retire I want to do something creative. Or sell cars. I think I would have made a great salesman. Selling cars or something.

I see thing others don't see. I have zero linear thought.

I love golf and can focus. I love baseball but can't watch a game anymore. I get too bored. 

ADHD is not compatible with stupid authority.

ADHD is compatible with passion. Which sometimes can not be good. 

Why haven't I gone on meds for this? Nope. Don't want to.

I think my biggest issue with my ADHD can be following through. I need to wait for the last minute to get the focus to to do something. Sometimes I don't follow through because it is not high up on my list. It doesn't mean I think any less of the person I promised something to, but just the way my mind works. It is important. But Wrath of Khan had distracted me.

I am able to focus better when I am under a gun. However, if I am getting outside crap from someone that does not motivate me. I think that is the issue I have had with the DOE all these years. 

This is how it is for me. I am what I am. Every day I have to work hard to get through it. I know there are many who are reading this that will get it. And some who won't. Too bad. I don't care. 



Anonymous said...

Pete, you’re fucked up like the rest of us. In a normal society the system we work for would have carved out a niche to make us more productive members of our schools and systems, but unfortunately in this capitalist hellhole they only want to break us. Fuck them. Drink a little, go to the doctor, eat healthy, and laugh at life. It makes no sense. We’re just a bunch of atoms banging off of each other and devolving rapidly because of all this technology. Pick up a gun, that will help too! I think you can own up in upstate where you are. Rifles are cool actually.

Pete Zucker said...

Thanks for the words. How about Silly string instead of the guns?

Anonymous said...

Hi Pete. Thanks for sharing your personal truth. I have adult ADHD too, along with dyslexia. A lot of what you say reminds me of my own experience. I appreciated seeing you write about how it's affected you.

ed notes online said...

I am very similar in many ways. I get it. Maybe why we get along. One thing that happened to me was starting a computer science MA at Brooklyn College in 1984-88. Programming forced me to focus if I wanted to get it to work. For the first time in my life I was getting my work done two days before due. I also learned to think sequentially rather than just parallel - like you doing twelve things at once. Do the most solvable problem. My still biggest problem is deciding what that is. The order of things. But in taking on big tasks like I did in running the petition campaign in this year's election with 400 candidates and 7 caucuses/groups I had no choice but to break it down into segments - which drove some people crazy -- but previous election experiences did help a lot.

Anonymous said...

I think more today than ever with the onslaught of the internet and social media crap - society has become a cesspool of idiots spewing their ignorant uneducated views - th is always was the case but now we all seem to be forced to hear these idiots and their thoughts which are humans gone wild so hey do not let the ignorant dominant your mind rather you dominate their ignorance and cash that check

Anonymous said...

pete a garbage man has no stress just pick up the shit

David Suker said...

Silly string works. Just be good to the ones you love and ignore the idiots.