SOUTH BRONX SCHOOL: Michelle Rhee Answers Your Reform Questions

Monday, August 8, 2011

Michelle Rhee Answers Your Reform Questions

Bless you Michelle Rhee for the video on your all about you, Michelle website. Thank you very much for taking the time to sift through the all the questions and have a true spontaneous conversation with America's teachers.

One thing that struck us here at SBSB as breaking news was the MichelleRheeFirst moved its headquarters from Washington DC to Sacramento CA. One would assume this was done to keep better tabs on husband and known chaser of 16 year old girls, Kevin Johnson.

We here at SBSB were appalled by the softball questions and the seemingly faux well thought out responses.

Earlier this afternoon the crack team here at SBSB clandestinely gained access to the MichelleRheeFirst mainframe computer and downloaded all the questions and responses to these questions in its original ACS II form. After hours of encrypting, deciphering, and transcribing we present to the readers of SBSB what we consider the best of the best.

Michelle, thank you for your reform initiatives. However, what would you do to reform Judasim?
Shlomo Levine, Williamsburg, NY

Thank you Shlomo for taking the time with that very thought out question. Like Moses Mendelssohn, I too am a reformer, and believe that there have been rabbis that come to shul and don't really work. Many rabbis have been at their shuls for too long, and tend to get lazy. Too many rabbis just come to shul, are seen doing nothing but reading the Torah, leave right after services and don't stay for the sponge cake and grape juice and refuse to mingle with the congregation.

Michelle, you are so wonderful. I am having problems with my 1st grade class. They talk too much when online. I wish to duct tape their mouths, but I am unsure what kind of duct tape I should use. Can you recommend a good duct tape?
Rose Tortelli, Boston MA

Great question Rose! Thank you so much for asking! What you want to do is by 3M brand duct tape. I prefer the 1110-A Morris Costumes Duct Tape. This is absolutely the best and will keep their little mouths from moving. It comes in silver and they kids just love the way it glitters in the light. Remember, leave room for the students to breath through their nose. We don't want any unnecessary deaths!

I just gave a 4th standardized test to my 4th grade students. I am not sure how they will do, but since I live in Florida and up to 50% of my pay is tied to the exams and I have a family to support, I want to go back and erase wrong answers and wish to not leave any obvious erasure marks. What do you suggest?
Maude Findley, Tuckahoe NY

Thank you Maude for a very thoughtful and lucid question. Be sure that when you erase, you erase in a horizontal fashion, but not too hard for you wish not to tear the paper. Remember, then to match the fill in pattern of the answer you replace it with the same as the other questions.

My boyfriend is a former NBA basketball player and currently a mayor of a city. What I want to know is which nights for the next two weeks will you be out of town?
Anonymous 16 year old, Sacramento, CA

Oh let's see. I will be out of town from August 10-15. Good luck to you and your boyfriend!

Michelle, I have been teaching for 5 years. On the side I am a stand up comedian. I wish to imitate the voices and dialects stereotypically of inner city African-Americans as you did. How do you suggest I go about it and be as successful as you were?
Rich Little, Las Vegas, NV

Imitation is the greatest form of flattery. Thank you for wanting to imitate me as well as your students. I suggest you look at some old Saturday Night Lives with Eddie Murphy. Not only is it funny, but once you get it down, you'll have people laughing just as I did. Let me know when you perform, would love to see it.

Michelle, I have been teaching for 23 years, I am 49 years old, I was wondering.....
Gabe Kotter, Brooklyn NY

Please, stop there. How dare you be in teaching for 23 years? What do you think? Teaching is a lifelong profession? Please, I do not have time for a teacher with the amount of years you have in. Good-day!

And there you have it. Question and responses that Michelle Rhee does not want us to see.

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