SOUTH BRONX SCHOOL: Max Bialystock Opens A Charter School

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Max Bialystock Opens A Charter School

Ever have 400 things go on in your brain at once? Just as I was going to bed last night, a thought crossed my mind in regards to charter schools and the Mel Brooks movie The Producers. Think about it. With all this money to be had, doled out, given to as favors, what is to stop someone to be the charter school Leo Bloom and Max Bialystock.

For those who do not like Mel Brooks, campy Jewish humor, nor have seen The Producers, the 1968 version here is a brief summary.

Bialystock is a scheister Broadway producer, Bloom his accountant. They come up with a way to make millions of a Broadway show. Sell more than 100% in shares for a horrible, rotten musical that is sure to close down the first night. Hence the musical Springtime For Hitler. But the tables are turned on them when Springtime For Hitler turns out to be a success. Only this won't be the way the charter(s) turn out.

So just imagine this scenario, someone knowing that Tweed and the white liberal hedge fund managers give out money for charters like a drunken sailor, alone at Hunt's Point after being at sea for six months, will put in an application for a charter school. This educational Max Bialystock will be real smooth. Promise the world. Bloomberg and Klein will be found over a toilet rubbing one out they are so darn happy. But.......

One of two things will happen. The school will open and be so poorly run, and none of the promises kept. It will be closed down and the Max Bialystock of education will simply say, "oh well," and keep the money leaving kids in the lurch. Or, the school will never open, Max Bialystock will flee to Brazil with the money or somewhere else and Tweed and the hedge fund managers will be caught with their proverbial trousers down around their ankles looking to blame the UFT on the mess.

To paraphrase a scene from The Producers:

Max Bialystock: Don't you see, darling Bloom, glorious Bloom? It's so simple. STEP ONE: We found the worst charter school ever , a surefire flop. STEP TWO: I raise a million bucks. Lots of little old ladies, Tweed, and hedge fund managers out there. STEP THREE: You go back to work on the books, two of them - one for the government, one for us. You can do it, Bloom; you're a wizard! STEP FOUR: We open a charter in the South Bronx. And before you can say STEP FIVE, we *close* on the charter!!! STEP SIX: We take our million bucks and fly to *Rio!*

It could happen.

It can happen.

It will happen.

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